


Nothing Else Matters

by lmxlumiere



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Like really angsty, Shout out to my ex... best friend who i was in love with, but i have a heart i swear, high school past, inspiration: happier by ed sheeran, jerrie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmxlumiere/pseuds/lmxlumiere
Summary: Four years after her ex-best friend cut her off, Perrie Edwards is finally in a relatively good place where her life is the most sorted it's been. Her career is starting up, she has the apartment she's always wanted, a close circle of friends and she hasn't thought about Jade as much as she used to. You see, getting over someone is something everyone does at some point when you have to move on from a relationship. But how do you get over someone you were never under, let alone someone you were never in an actual labeled relationship with?In which Jade was the girl that Perrie realized she was in love with three years too late and desperately hoped to reunite with someday. But now that all is going well for Perrie, Jade comes back into view but certainly not in the circumstances she wants.





	1. No matter what the deal, babe, you know that I'll be there

7:03 am.

“Ughhh what in the hell who needs me this damn early in the morning,” Perrie groans as she reaches over her bedside and flips her phone over.

“Jes, I swear you better have a lottery-winning good reason for wa-“

“Perrie, it’s Jade.”

…

One word and everything stops. Perrie sits up immediately, all of a sudden everything and nothing makes sense. She hasn’t heard about Jade in almost four years since Jade cut her out of her life. They were inseparable in high school until college rolled around and distance happened and fights never resolved. All their mutual friends never knew a reason why, but they eventually stopped asking or even mentioning Jade. Every time they did Perrie would just respond monotonously, devoid of feelings.

Little do they know it’s the only alternative to reacting in a normal way when it comes to getting reminded of Jade. She never really got over her first love, especially when she realized that what they had, what they did, was the worst excuse for the word platonic, and what she felt was the furthest from being straight and the closest she ever was to being in love. So, Perrie had to keep up with the façade that Jade was just another friend who was too much drama and ties had to be severed and it was all fine. She kept it up for a long while until she just got tired of it and eventually told her closest friends in her third year of college. It was around the time she felt comfortable enough in admitting her sexuality- when she realized that the strongest she ever felt was for an ex-best friend who no longer existed in her plane of view.

But she realized all of that just a bit too late and a bit too useless, seeing as Jade completely cut her off four years ago without so much as a look back or a birthday greeting. In the first few months since, Perrie still tried. Even though she knew Jade had blocked her number and blocked her off of every social media, Perrie hoped that in some way Jade might suddenly need her. She hated that she would briefly wish something drastic would happen that would make Jade need her because Jade had no other friends she relied on. She hated that even though Jade treated her less than fairly, she would still be there for her in a heartbeat, no question. She hated that after four years of hoping, trying to get over her, rebuilding, deleting memories where she can, and trying so, so hard to forget the intangible ones, she still can't completely erase her.

Baffled with how one syllable can flip everything around so quickly and bring her right back to the first month of Jade gone with the wounds still fresh and the hope of reconciliation still on the foreground, Perrie responds, albeit cautiously as if she knows there’s no going back from this moment.

“Jesy, tell me. You know I need to know.”

\--------

Jesy was the first person after Jade that Perrie trusted; enough that she was the first person Perrie told that she likes girls, too.

“Oh my god, Pez, that’s great!”

“Wait you’re actually okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be you goof.”

“I dunno, I just thought.. I don’t know I just expected something else than a reaction like when I told you I passed thermo chem.”

“Oh shut it, that was actually a miracle. But really, Pez. I’m happy you feel comfortable enough in telling me truth be told.”

“Did you have a clue though, Jes?”

“Hm.. not really? I mean you’ve had boys around so I guess I never thought you would like girls too but I guess you don’t really need proof to know if you do, right?”

“I mean not really…”

“What are you not telling me?”

“Er..”

“Perrie Edwards. Tell me right now who made my best friend realize that Ryan Gosling straightness is not enough.”

“It’s Jade.”

\--------

A sigh on the other end of the line. Jesy knows that what she’s going to say next is going to erase four years of Perrie rebuilding herself, but she knows her best friend enough to know that the first person in Perrie’s mind will always be Jade no matter what.

“She’s in the hospital, Pez. My mum found out from Jade’s mum that she got in a car accident. Said it was a drunk driver going 80 on 95 North hit her driver’s side as soon as she merged into the highway…”

It’s like waking up from a dream and not knowing if what happened was real or not. She desperately hopes that either it’s inception and she’ll just wake up again or two, Jesy is playing a really not funny joke aimed to elicit buried feelings. She doesn’t waste more than two seconds in disbelief as her body moves in its own accord. In autopilot, Perrie quickly changes to the first pair jeans and sweater she can grab a hold of and she’s quickly out the door and revving up the engine.

“…she’s at the ER at Jefferson. Perrie, are you listening to me? Look, I know, it’s Jade, I know, but please, please drive safe, okay? I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.”


	2. And I don't really care about nothing else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song vibes: Waiting Game by Parson James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> barely edited so i hope it makes sense.  
> also, i do apologize i don't write long chapters. i'll try to but that just means i take more time lol  
> hope you like it xx

7:14 am.

As Perrie is driving as fast as she safely can to get to Jefferson Hospital, she can’t help but think that a few hours ago Jade was doing the same exact thing. There’s no doubt in her mind that the root cause of the accident was the drunk driver alone. She tries to push away painfully vivid memories of Jade even refusing to hold her hand while she drove and Perrie sat on the passenger’s seat saying, “Pezza, your hand is very distracting.” (“How is it distracting, Jade? It’s literally the same thing as gripping the steering wheel you silly goose.” “Because! Because.. your hand is all soft.. and it’s stupid and annoying. Now stoppp, I can see you trying not to laugh from the corner of my eye.”). So, no, there’s absolutely no way that the Jade she knew would have been driving with any distractions.  

The morning radio drones on in the background as Perrie navigates her way into the city from her apartment on campus. Thankfully, the traffic is pretty clear that early in the morning as it isn’t rush hour yet. Not that Perrie noticed. She was the type of person who considered being awake before 10 in the morning an utter sin and therefore scheduled all of her classes after noon. Had this been a regular day though, she would have noticed how beautiful the day was and then rolled her window down to sing obnoxiously out the window.

What’s noticable though is how Perrie’s hands have been holding the steering wheel on a death grip. Normally she’s the one in her friend group who loves driving. Whether it’s going to work, driving friends around, or going on long road trips, driving was always something she considered a release. Whenever she needed a moment to herself to think things through or calm her nerves down, she would go on a drive to clear her head. Now, though, there wasn’t anything that could settle her disseminated mind.

\--------

7:53 am.

“DAMMIT. WHY WOULD THEY PUT A HOSPITAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. WHERE THERE IS NO PARKING. ANYWHERE.”

\---------

8:01 am.

“Jade Thirlwall. Where is she?”

“Are you family?”

A pause. Long enough for the nurse to ascertain her answer.

An exasperated sigh. “Look, ma’am, I’m sorry, but at this moment we’re unable to let friends or visitors in. I’m really sorry but you’re gonna have to-“

“Listen to me, damn it. I need to see her. I need to make sure she’s okay and she’s alive and I need to be there for fucks sake. Now I don’t care about your damn policy-“

“HEY! Hey. Perrie, listen to me. Breathe. She’s just doing her job, okay, now breathe for me. There we go. Jesus, thank god I got here before you get yourself arrested.”

Jesy envelopes her best friend in a tight hug knowing that Perrie, the girl who literally bleeds sunshine and never gets frustrated enough to yell at people, is only acting this way because her mind is going a million miles an hour thinking of all the worst case scenarios. Perrie’s pent up frustration is only escalated by the fact that she doesn’t even know if Jade would even want to see her given how things had left off with them.

Right now though, the only thing that matters to her is knowing if the girl she was in love with is okay. She tries not to linger on the fact that the girl in her memories could be totally different from whoever Jade is today almost four years later. People go through college and get a degree in four years. What’s to say that even if Jade wanted to see her that it wouldn’t be better for Perrie to just walk away now before she gets enraptured right back into the universe where Jade is her sun and her whole world can’t help but orbit around her.

However the notion is brief and fleeting if at all given any substance. Jesy knows that what Perrie needs isn’t her decision. She can only be the supportive friend she’s always been: she was there to listen to Perrie’s late night longing recollections about Jade when they’re laying on their respective bunks and she was there to calm Perrie down and stop her from using her phone to dial Jade’s number that’s permanently etched in her mind even when the blonde is five shots of whiskey in.

“I’ll give my mom a call, okay? And ask her to get us in touch with Norma.”

“Okay, yeah, that makes sense.. yeah. Thanks, Jes.”

Jesy leads her clearly distraught friend to the waiting room chairs, one hand on her back. Perrie’s struggling to stay calm with the feeling of helplessness and worry outweighing her reasoning, but she does her best to be patient anyhow as she waits for Jesy to get off the phone with her mum.

“Hey mum. Yeah I’m with Pez now- do you- yes Perrie’s fine right now mum.. We haven’t been allowed in to see her because we’re not family.. Do you have Norma’s number? Or you can call her see what’s going on? Ask her to send Karl maybe to tell this nurse here to let us in- yeah, no she’s a bit bitchy.. probably the end bit of her 12 hour shift…”

“Jes.” Perrie gives her a pleading look.

The other girl nods in return. “Listen, Mum, can you call Norma now please? We can catch up properly later so sorry I haven’t called- classes and all you know.. Okay love you mum, bye.”

\----

“Pez, mum just texted me. Karl’s coming to get us soon. Jade’s in surgery at the moment.”

Perrie’s chest rises and falls in a very visible breath that she didn’t realize she was holding. Although obvious to Jesy that Jade would probably be in surgery right now considering the accident occurred a few hours ago, Perrie’s extremely worried mindset had jumped to the worst case scenario.

“Oh, Pez.” Jesy looks at her best friend with utmost sympathy.

“Jes, I- I don’t even know if she’d want to see me. She probably would think I’m a creep just showing up here after all these years and-“

“Jade cannot fault you for caring about her, okay. You’re here worried sick about her and just wanting to make sure she’s okay. Nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s not that it’s just.. I can’t get off my mind the last thing she said to me.”

A head tilt and furrowed brows. Jesy never really got the details of what happened between the two and she never pushed as she knew it to be a sensitive topic.

“She told me she was so much better off without me.” A deep sigh. “I can’t help but think she’s still right.”

“Perrieee… look, that was like, what? Four years ago? Things change, attitudes change. Over time. Sometimes. But in situations like this? All that matters is right now. The present. The past is all a blurred mess anyway. Stop torturing yourself; you’ve been doing that enough already, babe.”

“Yeah.. yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Jes. A lot. I mean it. I don’t know how I’d get through this alone.”

The other girl just gives her an empathetic smile in return and gently rubs her best friend’s back. Perrie allows herself to be calmed and takes a heavy breath as they both wait for Karl.

\------

“Karl!” Jesy waves Jade’s big brother over and he quickly jogs over to the two women and embraces them both in a quick hug.

“How is she?!,” Perrie asks without missing a beat.

“She’s still in surgery. It was pretty bad. Docs say she lost a lot of blood on the side of the highway before the paramedics got to her. Might’ve broken her leg they said. Still no word on her other injuries. We’re just really praying for the best right now. We got the call ‘round 1 in the morning that said she was headed home from studying late on campus. Got here as soon as me and Shireen could but Mum’s hasn’t stopped even stopped to sit down since.”

“Oh, God. I- wha- what do they mean other injuries? Like what- what’s-“

“They said she could have some spinal injuries or head trauma. Said there’s no way to know for sure until after the surgery when the wakes up.”

It’s easily distinguishable how Perrie is wrapping her mind about the possible extent of Jade’s injuries by the way her hand quickly clenches and unclenches at her right side and her eyes are unfocused and she can feel her heartbeat hammering in her chest.

“Why don’t you girls come up and wait in the room with us? I’ll talk to the nurse real quick about letting you guys come up as visitors.”

Perrie nods absentmindedly and Jesy takes it as a queue to respond for her, “Okay, thanks Karl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the lovely comments :)  
> also if you guys didn't find this off of my tumblr, here's my account ! perriestouch.tumblr.com  
> feel free to remind me to work on it if i ever do neglect it too long

**Author's Note:**

> I recognize that this work will probably not gain any traction, so the first chapter is sort of a test run to see if I can get any feedback at all to see if this is worth going anywhere with. So, please, if you like it, do put a ring on it (in a form of a kudos) or better yet, please sing any praises at all in the comments. Even if it's just an "I likey". Constructive criticism is also appreciated.


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